Alienation of Affection: When Love Gets Stolen

Photo by Markus Winkler

Ever felt like someone pounced in and stole your partner’s heart? That is alienation of affection—a legal term for when a third party interferes in a relationship, causing one partner to emotionally detach. While it sounds like something from a dramatic soap opera, it is a real issue that can wreck relationships.

In the dating world, alienation of affection often happens subtly. A coworker starts texting your partner late at night, or an old flame suddenly reappears, showering them with attention. Over time, these outside influences can create distance, making your partner question their feelings for you. It is not always about cheating; sometimes, it is just emotional drift caused by someone else’s interference.

Social media has made this even thornier. A flirty DM or a nostalgic comment on an old photo can spark doubts. Suddenly, your partner is comparing your relationship to what-ifs, and that’s where trouble begins. The key is to spot the signs early—less communication, sudden secrecy, or unexplained emotional withdrawal.

So, how do you fight back? First, communicate openly. If something feels off, talk about it without accusations. Second, set boundaries—both with outsiders and within your relationship. If someone’s overstepping, call it out. Lastly, focus on strengthening your bond. Date nights, deep conversations, and small gestures remind your partner why they chose you in the first place.

Of course, not all relationships can be saved. If alienation of affection has done too much damage, it might be time to walk away. But if both partners are willing to work through it, love can bounce back stronger.

However, if you are legally married, Alienation of Affection is a rare legal claim that allows a spouse to sue a third party—often, a lover—for intentionally interfering in a marriage and causing the loss of affection. While most states have abolished this misdeed, six U.S. states still recognize it: Hawaii, Mississippi, New Mexico, North Carolina, South Dakota, and Utah. The fundamentals necessary to prove your case will depend on the laws of each state.

At the end of the day, whether married or not, relationships take effort from both sides. Keep the connection strong, and no outsider can shake what you have built together.

For additional information on the legal aspects of Alienation of Affection, please click here. 💔

Are You Having An Affair | Women Cheating With Married Men | A Message To Home Wreckers...

 

International Romance Author, Stella Eromonsere-Ajanaku is back offering advice on women who cheat with married men.

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When it comes to Other People’s love Life, Mind Your Own Business by Miss Know It All

Miss Know It All

I am addicted to soap operas. There is plenty of cheating going on that would make your head spin faster than a Spindle Top toy. It is art imitating life. When you see two characters that are not in a relationship and are supposed to be committed to someone else lip-locking, the witness will conclude a kiss is not always just a kiss. He or she will become suspicious and now it is time for that person to take action, either keeping the affair to one’s self or spilling the beans.

What I find amusing, on some of these soaps, is how friends and relatives react when someone close to them is caught deep-kissing or doing someone else’s man or woman. Or worse, the person observing the duplicity will become the judge, jury, and executioner; he or she will make a quick dash to tell the injured party what they saw and give some unsolicited advice.

In real life, many men and women cheat for reasons they can’t even understand, but if I have learned anything when it comes to other people’s love life, it is best to mind your own business. Never mind that slogan, “If you see something, say something.” That phrase applies to someone who is planning to obliterate the world. If you insist on being the bearer of bad news, you will wind up getting your feelings hurt, or the injured party may end up hating you for bringing that disloyalty to his or her attention.

Usually, the person who is being betrayed has an inkling their significant other is engaging in deceit. Some folks prefer to turn a blind eye until the treachery slaps them in the face. You can be a good listener, but if they ask for your honest opinion, say, “Follow your heart.”

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Have you ever seen someone close to you cheating on their partner? If so, tell us what you did or wouldn’t do in the comment section.

Getting Involved with a Married Person Can Cost You

Recently, there was an uproar regarding a celebrity who is involved with a married man, and many on social media were accusing her of being a homewrecker. Although the man is supposedly legally separated from his wife, it doesn’t mean he is legally divorced.

Many people may not be aware of this, but in some states, a spouse can sue a third party who interferes with his or her marriage or is responsible for the failure of that marriage. This is known as Alienation of Affection. Usually, the individual will sue the cheating spouse’s lover but even family members, clergy, therapists and counselors who have encouraged a divorce have been sued.

When it comes to which states a person can sue for Alienation of Affection, at the present time they are Hawaii, Illinois, Mississippi, New Mexico, North Carolina, South Dakota, and Utah.

So, before you get involved with a married man or woman, check your state’s laws by clicking here.

Tyler Perry’s Acrimony Trailer (2018) staring Taraji P. Henson

See what happens when you deceive someone.

In Theaters March 30, 2018

The Distorted Side to Infidelity by Miss Know It All

Miss Know It All

There have been discussions about a side to infidelity that is trending right now. According to some experts, more people in relationships are ‘micro-cheating,’ which is defined as being emotionally or physically involved with someone outside of the marriage.

The Urban Dictionary defines ‘micro-cheating’ as behaviors considered disloyal within a relationship, nothing too serious but not too innocent either. It can be frequent flirting, touching, calling, texting, chatting or asking someone for intimate advice, all hidden from your partner.

When it comes to physical cheating, the signs can be quite obvious, but as to whether your partner is micro-cheating, the messages may be vague.

According to Australian Psychologist and consultant, Melanie Schilling, there are signs to look out for when someone is micro-cheating:

·      Schilling calls these actions “covert flirting” because you’re keeping it from your partner. It’s not one single action but a series of small activities that put the focus on a person outside your relationship.

·     “You might be engaging in micro-cheating if you secretly connect with another person on social media, if you share private jokes, if you downplay the seriousness of your relationship to your partner or if you enter their name under a code in your phone,” she told Daily Mail.

·      The first indication of micro-cheating is the secrecy surrounding your partner’s activities. One thing to look at is if the person is having private conversations or online messaging that they stop once you enter the room. Or are they complimenting someone of the opposite sex with things they never tell you? If you catch the person in the act of micro-cheating, they could easily excuse their behavior as merely a friendship, but Schilling says there are ways to differentiate the two.

·      “However, if they start to conceal their relationship from you or lie to you about it, then start considering the appropriateness of their connection.” In the end, Schilling told Daily Mail to ultimately trust your gut, but she does caution to be rational instead of emotional about it.

Since micro-cheating is not considered full blown cheating, it is important to remember the relationship you and your partner form must be clear as to what types of behaviors are acceptable or to make known when the lines are being crossed.

The Cheating Game: A Single Person in a Romantic Relationship Has No Legal Obligation to be Faithful by Miss Know It All

Miss Know It All

 It never ceases to amaze me when I hear a single person say the following: “I broke up with him or her because he or she cheated on me.” But what exactly does the word cheating mean when it relates to unmarried couples? Cheating is defined as acting dishonestly, being deceptive or committing a fraudulent act. But cheating has a different meaning when it happens in a legally committed union as opposed to an unmarried liaison.

How does a relationship develop between two people, and what are the differences when it comes to unmarried and legally married couples. I am using the word legally because very few states recognize common law marriages. For all purposes, I am differentiating between the words legally and unmarried. Let’s look at the following situation:

You’re at a party; you see a person standing in the corner of the room and immediately your eyes meet. Sparks begin to fly, and you both envision that it’s definitely love at first sight. You then exchange telephone numbers, call each other every day, discuss how much you have in common and decide it’s time to start dating. After several months of courting and getting to know each other, you both decide to make a private declaration of your love for each other, and now you’re in an exclusive relationship. Neither one of you will date or see anyone outside of this union.  Even though the bond has been going strong for several months, getting married is not in the cards for neither of you. You may or may not decide to live together. But for now, the both of you are happy as two peas in a pod.

However, somewhere down the road, you discover that your significant other has been cheating on you. Now you’re angry because you assumed you were in a committed relationship. You believed that this person had no right to deceive you in such a way; after all, you gave your heart and soul to this person, exchanged gifts and contributed financially to support the relationship. And to add insult to injury, you never so much as looked at another human being, much less went behind his or her back to be with another person.

Several years ago, I saw a program where unmarried couples were upset with each other because someone strayed in the relationship. The injured party felt the cheater was unfaithful because as a couple, they were in a committed relationship.  However, a woman in the audience got up and said, “There is no such thing as a commitment until you say I do.”  I will take it a step further and say, “There is no such thing as a commitment until you legally say I do.”

The affirmations made by an unmarried couple do not have the same connotations as the promises made by a legally married couple. When a couple obtains the marriage license and makes a public declaration to each other, then you have a committed relationship. A married person no longer has the entitlement to wander outside of the marriage, because each person has made a promise to be faithful to each other in the eyes of the state and in accordance with the state’s official matrimony decrees. And if that trust is broken, there are legal and financial ramifications and usually grounds for a divorce.  On the other hand, a single person who is in a relationship may have a moral duty to be faithful but has no legal obligation to be committed to anyone but his or herself. As a single person, you have the privilege of playing the field. 

Even if you’re engaged, there are no assurances that an individual will be loyal to his or her partner. An engagement is a promise to marry not a pledge to be faithful. So as the saying goes “There is no such thing as a commitment until you legally say I do.”

Engaging in a Secret Affair - Right or Wrong? By Miss Know It All

Miss Know It All

A poster on one of the social networks, of which I am member, had asked the following question: My friend is planning a secret affair and wanted my advice. What is the best way to conduct a secret affair? Are there any good tips to avoid getting caught, like hiding text messages, apps and emails, etc? I said, “Get another secret pay as you go phone.” Do you have any other ideas?

Anonymous

When I read the question, I made the following comment: “Once two people participate in an affair, it's no longer a secret” and left it at that. But I was stunned by some of the comments posted, which have been paraphrased for clarity:

Your wife or girlfriend will always find out. We women just have a way of finding out about secret affairs. Now that does not mean every women will not accept her husband for having a secret affair, if she is having the same too.

The best way to keep an affair a secret is to always meet at a hotel in another city, at least 100-miles from your home. But in today’s world, with everyone using the same DAMN iPhone, it becomes very hard to keep your calls and messages a secret.

I think meeting in different places, and a secret mobile phone kept in the car. Tell nobody about it, although best friends can cover. 100 miles mean more time away; so that might not work. With an iPhone, it is best to switch off GPS. What about smelling of perfume?

Well, if she or he gets a whiff of the secret mobile phone kept in the car, then that is the ultimate giveaway.

Don't know, I’m asking how to cover your tracks.

The best way to have a secret affair is in your head! The truth always comes out, as one lie always leads to the next and bigger lie, until it all gets exposed. Since there is more technology to use, it also leaves more evidence to be discovered. When a woman wants to find out, she will... and she will pick up on the slightest bit of guilt your friend may have. Any change in his ways, she will pick up on. Women have a way to sniff stuff out...it’s a gift.

Now mind you, I am not one to judge anyone who decides to cheat on their spouse, because what is done in the dark will sooner or later come to light, which may have dire consequences.

We would like to know what your take is on the question, and how would you answer this person if the question was put to you? Post your answers in the comment box.

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The Pitfalls That Can Lead to Infidelity by Miss Know It All

Miss Know It All

Human beings are not perfect. Everyone has flaws and makes mistakes. Some oversights are minor, while others can be devastating. Depending on the seriousness of the blunder, a simple apology may suffice. However, when infidelity occurs in a marriage, the damage done can be more demoralizing because the trust is now broken. Only the person hurt or affected by the indiscretion, and the unfaithful spouse will have to work out the difficulties on their own terms.   

Many prominent and not so famous married men and women face enticements all the time. Some will frivolously put themselves in compromising positions, without giving it a second thought and will end up becoming sitting ducks by individuals who will set the trap, bide their time, and exploit those misconducts.

If you want to avoid the pitfalls which can lead to adultery, the first rule of thumb is to honor your vows. Surround yourself with people who will always watch your back and steer you on the right path. Not everyone who laughs or smiles in your face, pats you on the back or shakes your hand is a friend or means you well. A true friend(s) will never encourage you to participate in precarious actions that would put you, your spouse or family in an embarrassing situation. As a married person, try limiting your social activities with your single friends who frequent nightclubs, bars or casinos. Misery loves company. If you are alone, know when to leave the party; you do not have to be the last person standing at social events.

Do not share any intimate details with anyone other than your spouse. If you do, the particulars will no longer be confidential. All it takes is for an argument, a misunderstanding, envy or jealousy to rear its ugly head, and everything you have said or done in concealment might eventually become tomorrow’s headlines on social media. If you feel the urge to have an affair, nip it in the butt, be upfront and talk it over with your partner. When a spouse conducts a clandestine affair using text messaging, email or a cell phone, that person is definitely begging to be caught in the act.

Finally, if being faithful is not your cup of tea, then do yourself a big favor: Don’t Get Married! When you play outside of your marriage, you may end up paying dearly. Keep in mind, adultery is illegal in twenty-six states.

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That Person You are Dating is Probably Married - How to Recognize the Seven Warning Signs

Often we read or hear about men and women, who have met someone, fell madly in love, and became physically and emotionally involved with that person, only to discover that the individual they trusted the most was married. There are always warning signs when relationships are built on dishonesty. Do people consciously or unconsciously ignore these signs?

Whether they realize it or not, people who cheat on their spouses always give themselves away, and cheaters will avoid telling the person about their marital status because they want to maintain a back street liaison or have their cake and eat it too. In other words, everything is hidden and kept in the dark. Whether you are a man or a woman, you can protect yourself by recognizing these seven warning signs, what they may imply and facing them head on:

Warning Sign Number One - The person who never invites you to their home will probably have the following excuses:  She or he is sharing a room with several roommates who keep a clutter and dirty home. The roommates are loud and obnoxious, and you would be uncomfortable around them. The individual would be too embarrassed to invite you to their pad. That person is probably married with children.

Warning Sign Number Two - The person can only see you during the week, usually one day a week, because he or she works long hours on the weekends. When the person gets home, he or she is just too tired to see you or go out with you on a date. The individual is spending the weekends with the spouse and children.

Warning Sign Number Three - He or she will never take you out to a restaurant or accompany you to special events or family gatherings. The excuse will be, the person does not enjoy eating out and would rather have a home cooked meal. He or she will even go so far as to bring the food and cook it in your home. The individual is shy around too many people or does not enjoy being around crowds. The person is afraid someone will recognize him or her and expose their dirty little secret.

Warning Sign Number Four - During the holidays, he or she will suddenly have to leave town on business or will disappear for a while. While you are sitting home alone sipping wine and crying your eyes out, your “lover” is vacationing with the spouse and children and is having a fantastic time.

Warning Sign Number Five - The person will give you a cell phone, mobile or beeper number but will never give you their home phone number.

Warning Sign Number Six - You never meet the person’s parents, relatives or friends. The reason given: He or she is a loner and on bad terms with the kinfolks, or they live in a foreign country or were raised in an orphanage.

Warning Sign Number Seven - The person does not have a home address but a post office box. The reason given: He or she travels maybe ten months out of the year and constantly lives out of their suitcases and spend their time in hotel rooms, so a permanent residence would not make much sense. It would be too costly.

When it comes to the warning signs, I am generalizing here. These signs do not necessarily mean the person you are involved with is being deceitful or dishonest. The focus here is on men and women who have been in long-term relationships and may have had these sentiments. As the saying goes “If it acts or looks too good to be true, the individual is probably living a lie.”

When is Infidelity Acceptable? By Miss Know it All

Miss Know It All

I read an article in the November 2011 issue of AARP Magazine titled, When the Vow Breaks written by Mary A. Fischer. The piece begins with a husband whose wife is suffering from dementia, and how he spends every Saturday afternoon with his girlfriend.

After reading this editorial, the question is, “Is infidelity ever acceptable if a significant other is physically or mentally incapacitated?”

When couples vow to remain faithful, for better or for worse and in sickness and in health, sometimes that promise can become ambiguous if a spouse is not able to give or receive emotional or physical fulfillment because of a debilitating illness.

Most people agree that there is never any excuse for stepping outside of a marriage. However, some health professionals, social workers and religious leaders are beginning to redefine what adultery is when failing health becomes an issue. A few experts believe that establishing a relationship outside of the marriage could be beneficial to the caregiver and the person, who is suffering from a deteriorating disease.

Adultery is defined as sexual unfaithfulness of a married person. If a new definition of infidelity is suggested, perhaps the declarations recited during a wedding ceremony may also have to be modified.

What are your thoughts about this issue? Is it ever okay to commit adultery if a spouse cannot fulfill his or her partner’s physical or emotional needs because of fading health? Do you know of any couples who are presently going through this dilemma?

Telltale Signs of a Cheating Spouse by Miss Know It All

Whenever a spouse is cheating, that individual will always send out signals or may say something that might not mean very much at the time, especially if he or she is caught in a compromising situation. Because you believe your relationship is built on trust, you will give your mate the benefit of the doubt. Too often, the signs of cheating are so obvious that a bat could read between the lines, and the explanations given are so ludicrous that they defy logic. One would have to ask, “Does this person really think that I am stuck on stupid?” Yet, many will continue to ignore the ‘in your face’ warnings. Eventually, a spouse will have to face reality and ask, “Is there infidelity going on in our marriage?” Although unfaithfulness occurs on both sides, we are focusing mainly on cheating husbands who have used some of the most dumbfounded excuses to mask their betrayal:

“Honey, I am going fishing with my buddies this weekend.” Ordinarily that might not be a problem, but why would he choose to go fishing on the day of your birthday or worse on your wedding anniversary. Some individuals might say, “Give the guy a break; most men have a temporary lapse of memory when it comes to important dates.” However, if a woman never forgets, why would a man fail to remember such an important day?

You find condoms in the glove compartment of your husband’s car. You and your mate never use condoms. His explanation is that the condoms belong to his male friend, and he is just holding them as a favor. The question to ask, “Would a woman carry her friend’s diaphragm or cervical cap as an act of kindness.”

You find a pair of panties in the back seat of your husband’s car; he tells you they are your gift for Valentine’s Day. The problem is, the panties are a size 5, but you wear a size 16. In addition, nowhere on the label does it indicate that one size five fits all.

Your husband is served with child support papers and you never knew he had an offspring. His response is, “We were separated during that period, but you were still legally married.

You find a shoebox hidden in the basement. In that box are risqué photos of him posing nude with another woman. You confront him, and his response is, “That is not me baby.” You say, “It is you.” He says, “Who are you going to believe, me or your lying eyes?” When he makes that remark, he has a great big grin on his face.

It is late at night, and you wake up to noises coming from the living room. You go down stairs to check and catch your husband doing a horizontal dance with a strange woman. He looks up and says, “Honey, it is just a dream. Go back to sleep.”

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Have you heard of an unbelievable explanation given by a cheating spouse, when caught in a compromising position? If so, we would like to hear from you. Your name or email will never be published. Only your initials, city or country where you reside will be posted. Send details to hmcsromanceinternational@juno.com Sometime in the in the near future, we will post the results. All information submitted will become the exclusive property of HMCS and may be published in any media without any compensation to the person sharing the details.