Monday, February 21, 2011

Monday, February 14, 2011

The Funniest or Worst Gifts People Have Received on Saint Valentine’s Day

Today is St. Valentine’s Day. Rather than talk about the origins or what it means to take part in this celebration, we thought adding humor to this special day would be unique. So we put out a call for the funniest or worst Valentine’s Day gifts that people have received. Whether the gifts were seen as funny or downright dreadful, we could not stop laughing and hope you enjoy reading these submissions as much as we did.

Happy Saint Valentine’s Day!

A Justin Bieber statue. Submitted by JJ

A dead flower. Submitted by M

A Justine Bieber CD…I still have nightmares…baby baby baby oh…make it stop! Submitted by D

A Dirt Devil Vacuum cleaner. Submitted by C

Last year I got a frog that turns into a prince when you put it into water. Submitted CH

& & & &

On our first (and last) Valentine's Day as a couple, my (now EX) boyfriend, who had come back from drill (Air Force reserves and full time commercial airline pilot) told me he had something for me. He warned me that it wasn’t anything big but that it was something he wanted to get for me. He dug around in his workout bag then pulled out and handed me a set of bean bag juggling balls and a ‘how to’ book on Valentine’s gifts! I’m thinking to myself, WTH? Who am I? COCO the Clown?!

Now here’s a little background on this...A few weeks earlier he and I were standing in my kitchen talking and he just happened to pick up a couple of oranges and an apple and began to juggle them. I expressed how I’d tried to learn how to juggle many times but just couldn’t manage it. So, over the next forty-five or so minutes he took it upon himself to teach me how to juggle. Never in my wildest and/or worst dreams did I think he would believe that some bean bag balls and a how to book on juggling would make good Valentine’s presents.

He even had the nerve to be surprised at my pointed lack of enthusiasm for the terrible gifts. Needless to say, he didn’t last long after that. lol

'KiKi' aka Naomi James, author of Untamed: Dacien & Tia and The Bride and The Barbarian. Now Available through Whispers Publishing    

The Third Cord -


Monday, February 07, 2011

A How-to Book on Understanding the Woman in Your Life

You meet a woman, and it is love at first sight. The two of you go through the hot and heavy dating phase. In your mind, it will be a never-ending blissful and romantic relationship, but something goes haywire and the connection is doomed before it gets off the ground. Your scratching you head and asking, “What went wrong? I thought I was doing everything right for my woman.” Don’t fret, the answers are in the new book, 101 Behaviors a Guy Needs to Understand about his Woman by James Ian Woode.

The book, which debuts on February 14, 2011, is not just for men, but women will also find the book very informative and laced with witty advice. It will provide the reader with the necessary skills to keep the woman in your life happy. Starting with the dating and relationship phase and moving on to marriage, the author covers important factors that a man must consider, such as family, finances, appearance, personal hygiene, sharing in the housekeeping, time management, driving skills, dining do's and don’ts, dancing gestures, trust issues, intimacy, chivalry, and loyalty, just to name a few. Having a clear understanding of these important points is a must if the relationship is going to be sustainable.

The author does not claim to be a relationship expert, but the many behaviors that are discussed in the book, which he says, “Are fairly typical during the dating phase of the relationship,” will allow you to work toward developing a solid and lasting bond.

To give you a peak inside, here are few excerpts from 101 Behaviors a Guy Needs to Understand about his Woman:

“Your woman comes home and can’t wait to take a bath, which you already started for her. She towels off and since the water was so soothing she has already envisioned how she wants to look for you tonight. With her hair up and her shoulders peeking out above the cloth that she is wrapped in, she opens her panty drawer and notices that things have been shifted around. Her first inclination is that maybe she left it that way but then she remembers that she placed the new pair of silky panties in the front right corner and not tucked under the ugly Barbie ones that read “you KEN enter.” Believe me when I say that she knows her panties whereabouts better than you.”

“So you’re sitting there among her friends and trying your hardest to demonstrate how wonderful you are and how they should gladly accept you as a mate for your woman. However, your woman isn’t giving you the opportunity to answer any of the several questions flying your way. Your typically reserved babe leaps to intercept questions and responds for you. This is driving you nuts but you know you can’t tell her that, or her friends, at least not right now. The other ladies present take everything your woman says as gold and you realize that even though the work is being done for you, you would like to show that you can stand on your own two feet.”

“You’re newly married and over the past few months, your lovely woman has been providing you with some serious gourmet goodies. You have no trouble shoveling those beauties down your throat and compliment her on her skills in the kitchen. Over time, your gourmet babe realizes that you don’t really participate anymore in helping with her food creations. She starts giving you little messages like, “Hey honey, will you come help me in the kitchen please.” Unfortunately for her, the game is on and you don’t move from the couch. So, she throws a spoonful of handmade pasta at your head.”

“The day is going great and you and your bride-pride have been hanging out all day together. After walking through the park you decide to stop at a small deli to get a nice salad and sit on the upper deck. You hand over the credit card to the cashier who returns and whispers that it has been declined. You insist trying again before your woman sees the concern and embarrassment on your face but it’s declined once more. You turn to your babe and she rolls her eyes at you. Her expression is one look away from vomiting as she smacks you on the back and asks, “What happened to our money?”

“Recently, your woman purchased you a gym membership for a birthday present and, with her persuasive smile, has stated that she would love for the two of you to work out together. In bed, you are no longer snuggly material as she is having difficulty wrapping her arms around you. She frowns when you raise that cheeseburger to your mouth and mumbles that you need to go on a diet or something. Her nagging has become quite the routine in your conversation and she even threatens to stop feeding you until you drop a few pounds. Your woman is constantly on you about how unattractive you’re becoming and is embarrassed by the plump man you’ve become!”

“For the next few days, your woman doesn’t really say much to you and your response to her is fairly equal. The thought of watching an adult movie with your woman seems less than gentlemanly to you and you pride yourself on being the guy that you are. You tell your woman that you aren’t comfortable enough to do this and she gets frustrated with you because you are not even willing to explore other things with her. The next night in bed, your woman just lays there while you try to prove to her that you’re good enough to meet all of her needs. Unfortunately, she has other things on her mind and isn’t getting into you as much as you hoped for. Your woman asks you to get off of her and let her go to sleep. She tells you that she isn’t willing to open up for you either!”

Jaymes Ian Woode

About the Author

Jaymes Ian Woode, M.Ed., has worked in counseling for over 15 years, discovering and teaching how relationships can, and will be, lively, fun, and filled with romance when two people are willing. He is also a man who learns from experience and likes to pass it on. Jaymes believes that every relationship stands a strong chance to be successful if it starts on the right, and left, foot!

Check Out His Book At: