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| Miss Know It All |
At what point do you
realize a relationship is over if the other person no longer wants to be with
you? Do you disregard taking no for an answer or do you take a precarious
approach to try to get that individual back?
True love is an equal
exchange between two people. However, there are cases where it may feel
one-sided with one partner who is trying to control the other.
When a lover is obsessed,
that person will want all of their significant other’s attention and will
become angry and envious of any perceived threat. They view their partner as a
possession rather than an equal party.
Causes of
Obsessive Love:
Erotomania - This delusional disorder makes
the sufferer believe in a certain destiny for love. The bond between the two
might be over, but they still think it is perfect. Because of this, the deluded
individual monitors their ‘partner’ to the point of stalking, thinking they are
close. It may even escalate to violence, which occurs most times.
Attachment
disorder
- If the ‘obsessed person’ had an abusive childhood and their caregiver
neglected to give them emotional stability, they may develop an attachment
disorder. This means that their view of a relationship is to cling and try to
control things to ‘save’ the relationship.
Photo by Nappy
Social and
Cultural Norms - A person may have observed one gender being treated as inferior or
as a possession. If left unresolved, they can carry these normal habits into
adulthood and can attempt to treat their romantic partner the same way.Mental Health
Disorders Like Depression - A sign of depression is feeling lonely and unworthy of
love. Because of this, he or she will try to hold on to the relationship even
when the object of their affection says they are not interested in filling that
void.
Signs of
Obsessive Love:
Trying to control their
partner is the obvious sign of obsessive love disorder. Their obsession may
cause emotional and even physical abuse when their partner fails to
‘cooperate.’ If the other person tries to leave, they encounter a slew of
threats. Many people going through this will try to make the relationship last
longer than it should when in reality they should just let it go.
Treatment
Therapy is the best
course of treatment for this disorder. The counselor will determine the
intensity of the obsession and help the individual improve. Treatment involves
detaching both physically and emotionally from the person they are obsessed
with.
Since social media makes
it easy to keep track of past loves and feed the obsession further, they
encourage patients to unfollow the object of their fixation until they are
well.
A good support system,
either friends or family, may help the patient speak up early and get the help
they need.
Obsessive love can
fracture a relationship, defined as giving and taking back love. When the love
has toppled with a controlling type of love, that connection is bound to lose
balance.
Breakups occur, no matter
how long you have been with that individual. There is no need to roll up in a
ball and think the world is ending because your bond did not work. Move on with
your life by taking the following steps:
· Be sad or livid.
· If the relationship ended on bad terms, give yourself enough time
to heal and get over that person. Do not make it too long, i.e. several
years.
· Keep yourself busy. Have a “my relationship has ended” celebration.
· Get yourself back into the dating scene. If possible, date several
people at a time. Remember, you are not looking for a committed relationship or
marriage, which should take time to grow.
· Do not rush into another relationship. You probably did that in the
first place, and that is why the relationship did not work.
· Remember, there are plenty of pebbles on the beach and more fish in
the sea. Therefore, you can be selective in your choices.
No matter what steps you
take, there are no guarantees that a relationship will last without end.
After going through all
the pointless mental drama, you will look back on this incident and ask, “What
on earth was I thinking? What did I see in that person? Why did I become so
obsessive over someone who clarified that he/she no longer wanted to be with
me? And why did I allow myself to seek vengeance on the person who was
non-threatening when he/she clarified that the relationship was over?”
Remember to put your mental and physical health first when the relationship
is heading for a meltdown.
