Monday, October 08, 2012

Tips for a Successful Long-distance Relationship By Eva Márquez

In the world today nothing is difficult or entirely impossible; although some challenges may exist that require surmounting. This is the case for long-distance relationships (LDRs), which were initially thought to be short-lived romances not likely to succeed because of the challenges posed by distance. However, recent statistics indicate that there is a growing number of LDRs in the world with many people successfully dating for a long duration of time. Also, indicators show that many people are in long-distance marriages that are entirely successful. Although not easy, LDRs are 100% possible in today’s communicated world (I should know, I’m in one!).
The following are a few tips for people in LDRs that might help to maintain a strong bond between partners:

1. One thing about LDRs is that you should never assume that the other partner knows a thing about your expectations. It is important that you take some time with your partner to formalize some things in your relationship. You need to be clear from the very beginning. For example, you should let your partner know if the relationship is monogamous or if is an open one (talk about exclusivity!). This enables both of you to successfully address any potential challenges and also lets both of you know where you stand in the relationship.

2. LDRs require a great deal of trust. Trusting your partner is the cornerstone of a successful LDR. It doesn’t matter if you met them today or two years ago, if you are committed to an LDR with this person, you will need to develop trust in this person. Accord your partner trust, and only allow that trust to waiver if and when your partner’s behavior indicates a good reason for doing so. Try you best not to become unreasonably jealous. The fact that your mind may wonder off to a whole array of possibilities and scenarios doesn’t mean you have to let it. Be in control of your worries.

3. Honesty is paramount in an LDR just like in any relationship. The think about lying is that once a lie surfaces, trust begins to erode…fast. When you are honest with your partner, you are building a sense of confidence in yourself and in your relationship. Nothing’s most satisfying than being in a happy and confident relationship.

4. Despite having romantic encounters during scheduled visits, you can also maintain (or even ignite) the flame when distance separates you from your partner. Sending each other romantic and/or sexy messages, e-mails and having some fun over Skype or Google Chat conversations can do a world of good and keep both of you intimately engaged.

Among many other things, you should try to schedule frequent communication and express yourselves openly and honestly to each other.  A key advantage of LDRs is that partners are, in a way, forced to communicate with each other (perhaps more so than in a traditional, day-to-day relationship). Keeping the communication flowing is critical in maintaining a loving, committed and healthy LDR.


Ms. Eva Marquez is also the author of Sweetest Taboo. Following is a blurb and excerpt from her book.


Isabel Cruz was fifteen years old when she met Tom Stevens. She was 15 when they started dating, and 16 when she lost her virginity to him. By the time she turned 18 and went to college, everything had fallen apart. This hadn’t been an ordinary love, though. Not a love between two dear friends, or even high school sweethearts. This had been the most taboo sort of love there was: a relationship between a student and her teacher. Isabel started her high school career as a normal student, but set her sights on Tom Stevens as soon as she met him, and pursued him with an intense – and sometimes reckless – fascination. When he finally approached her after swim practice and told her that he shared her feelings, it was the start of a forbidden and dangerous relationship.

EXCERPTS: From Chapter 7:

I realized suddenly that I had gone from one extreme to the other in a few weeks. That was a mistake, and people were bound to notice. I couldn’t backtrack now, though – the damage was done. What was I supposed to say? “Yeah, I'm staying away from Mr. Stevens because I don’t want anyone to know I’m making out with him after practice” would never do.

“You know, he was pretty cool at first," I replied as nonchalantly as possible. “But one day I was late for practice and he made me go to the diving pool to swim laps. I’m not going to hang around with him if he’s going to be such a jerk, you know?”

That answer must have been good enough for Vicky, because she lightly tapped my shoulder and then jumped into the water to swim off. I laughed as I watched her swim away; she was doing the butterfly – badly – and bumping into other swimmers as she shimmied from side to side down the crowded lane. My smile faded, though, when I realized that she was probably voicing what everyone else had noticed as well. My sudden change of attitude had been just that – sudden and unexpected – and people were going to wonder why. I had to come up with a better story, and quick, or change my behavior again and hope that no one else said anything.

I wasn’t sure which option was best, or which would cause me more pain. Our late- afternoon rendezvous were becoming more and more intense, and my senses were becoming fragile. When I walked toward his classroom, now, I knew that there would be more physical contact, with less clothing. We hadn’t gone all the way yet, and Mr. Stevens was always very careful about my feelings – he asked me if I was okay with what we were doing every five minutes, it seemed – but we were both getting braver, and closer. I didn’t know if I could be close to him without really wanting him, but I was afraid of getting hurt.

I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was also starting to fall in love with him.


**Eva will award a Kindle touch to one randomly drawn commenter during the tour, and a swag pack of goodies to one commenter at each stop. She'll award a $25 Amazon GC to one randomly drawn host.

AUTHOR Bio and Links:

Born in Buenos Aires, Argentina, daughter of European immigrants, Eva Márquez has spent most of her life outside of her home country. At the age of five, Eva accompanied her parents to the United States, where the family settled permanently. After graduating from university, she went on to complete graduate studies in International Relations in Spain. Eva received her Master of International Studies degree from the University of Sydney and went on to work in the global health field in Sub Saharan Africa and South East Asia. Eva currently resides in Southern Africa.



Rita Wray said...

Great excerpt, thank you.

Unknown said...

Thanks so much for hosting my work!

Happy reading,

MomJane said...

I really enjoyed the excerpt. I think you have a great writing ability.

bn100 said...

Very good advice.