|Sharon and her husband Rick|
Being a year and a few months into my second marriage, I must say that living with true love isn’t necessarily romantic. While I have a one-woman man devoted to me, one with whom I have lots in common and care deeply for, there is little about our relationship that is typically romantic. This is the one thing that people in our day and age, and for perhaps two or three generations, have stumbled over on the road to happiness. The excitement, flight of fancy and hormonal rush of dating is what we imagine will continue in marriage but fades as the routine of daily life kicks in. But if we have chosen well, what remains is what matters most: a relationship where we have the willingness to give, to serve, and to share what is precious to us with a mate who feels the same. We’ll also have enough of the important things in common to make daily life enjoyable.
But most important is the willingness to give--a must in every relationship, but especially marriage. Out of desperation for companionship, even the most selfish person can show generosity to the point that it resembles love. This is why the old fashioned courtship rules were put in place. Heard of them? Meet the parents (they’ll spot a phony a mile away), the long courtship (you can only fake it for so long), intimacy stays in check (sex–especially if there’s a child, bonds you to a jerk forever). Having family and friends acquainted with the prospective mate, the person whose head is in a romantic haze might avoid countless years of misery just by listening to their counsel. If the family isn’t too dysfunctional or the friends too weird, it can actually work!
Speaking of romantic haze, it’s important to keep the candlelight and thrills on hand, even if only on occasion. We need it to keep ourselves from finding it elsewhere. But when life seems naught but drudgery, we should learn (as I am doing) to see what kind or what level of romance we do have and appreciate it. Mine leans toward the broader sense. My husband and I are in show business. That alone is romantic. We met on stage and together we have more than we ever had working solo. It’s rough going at times, and though our life generally lacks flowers and candlelight, where we’re going we’re going together. I guess that’s pretty romantic. Yeah. That’s not bad at all.
Sharon Evans is the author of The War This Side of Heaven trilogy and ongoing series. Connect with her at
Copyright 2012 Sharon Evans. All rights reserved.
Great article and so true! I just lost my soul mate, we'd been together for 17 years and he was my second husband. From the old school, he courted me, met my parents, and we fell in love and married. During our years together he would surprise me with flowers or small trinkets just because, and not always on a special date. He was so good to me, and taught me what romance and love is all about. God I miss him!
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