The Dos and Don’ts of Proper Wedding Etiquette

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Planning a wedding is not a trouble-free task and can sometimes bring out the worst in people. During the planning stage, the bride and groom must try to take note of a few procedures to make guests, family and friends feel welcome, even if traditions are put aside.

As wedding customs continue to change, it gets harder and harder to keep track of what you should do and should not do before, during, and after your wedding day. To help guide you through the maze of rules and regulations, follow these tips, which you can change to your preference:

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Invitations - Your first connection to wedding guests is through invitations, which set the tone for your wedding and should reflect the theme and scope of your affair.

· Write the guest complete names on your wedding invitation. Some couples may opt to send invitations by email. Invite only the people listed to the event.

· Avoid writing “and Guest” on the invitation. Try to find out who your relative or friend will bring to the wedding and include his or her name on the invitation.

· Wedding-invitation wording is a preference. Most couples include their parents’ names on the invitations. However, if a parent is deceased, his or her name should not appear.

· If you know a guest is not in a relationship, do not feel obligated to offer a wedding invitation addressed for “two.” Subsequently, if you only invited one person but he or she adds another guest when sending back the RSVP, call him or her to explain financial or space constraints that prevent you from accommodating the guest.

· Do not mention gift preferences or registries on the invitation or include them in the package. If you have a preference, like monetary gifts or a donation to a charity, spread it through word of mouth before the event.

· Do not use labels on your invitations. Handwrite them, use a nice font and print the envelopes using a computer, or get them done with professional calligraphy.

Financial Responsibility - Finances can turn an engaging wedding plan into an unpleasant matter. By keeping in mind some general guidelines, things will run more efficiently.

· Tradition once stated that the bride’s parents would pay for the wedding. However, times have changed and more couples are opting to pay for the wedding themselves, or the groom’s family chips in.

· Traditionally, the mother of the bride pays for the bridal shower. The bridal attendants may contribute to the shower’s cost or assign jobs, such as purchasing favors or decorating the venue.

· Bridal attendants will split the cost of the bachelorette party, and the groomsmen will do the same with the bachelor party.

· It is usually the responsibility of the groom’s parents to pay for the rehearsal dinner. The spouses or significant others of wedding party members should be invited to dinner as well.       

Here are some other items and who should be financially responsible:

· Rice/birdseed/confetti bags to toss after the ceremony — bride’s family

· If you are following strict traditions, divide flowers between the bride’s family and the groom. However, these days, flowers are included in a “package” and usually whoever is paying for the wedding festivities covers the flowers.

· Marriage license — groom

· Pastor/officiant fee — groom

· Rings — bride and groom

· Bridesmaid dresses/tuxedos — bridal party or groomsmen

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Processional - If you are having a religious wedding, consult your priest, rabbi, deacon, imams, or officiant concerning the customary procedure for entering. Each house of worship may have rules concerning processional order, music, photos, etc. Keep in mind that stepparents or boyfriends/girlfriends of your parents should enter and be seated before your biological family.

Mother of the Groom - Often the mother of the groom does not know her place in wedding planning. She plays an important role and can be as involved as the couple would like. Some of her chief responsibilities include:

· Starting contact between her family and the bride’s family.

· Providing an accurate and timely guest list.

· Organizing and hosting the rehearsal dinner.

· Taking her place beside the bride and mother of the bride in the receiving line to thank guests for attending. Note that the mother of the bride dictates wedding day fashion, and the mother of the groom will wear a gown of similar style and length.

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Tipping - Gratuities are more often than not included in the cost of wedding services. However, if a wedding vendor, server, or other person has gone beyond the call of duty, extra tipping is appropriate. Some people who should receive a tip on the wedding day:

· Coatroom attendant or bridal party attendant.

· Pastor or officiant should receive no less than $100 for his or her services.

· Limousine drivers should receive 15 percent of the bill if a tip has not already been included.

· Organists and musicians at the ceremony should receive at least $50 per person.

· If your reception features a maitre d’ or headwaiter who oversees the staff, expect to tip this person as well.

Thank-you note - For more thoughts on this subject, click here