|Miss Know It All|
True love is an equal exchange between two people. However, there are cases where it may feel one-sided with one partner who is trying to control the other.
When a lover is obsessed, that person will want all of their significant other’s attention and will become angry and envious of any perceived threat. They view their partner as a possession rather than an equal party.
Causes of Obsessive Love:
Erotomania - This delusional disorder makes the sufferer believe in a certain destiny for love. The bond between the two might be over, but they still think it is perfect. Because of this, the deluded individual monitors their ‘partner’ to the point of stalking, thinking they are close. It may even escalate to violence, which occurs most times.
Attachment disorder - If the ‘obsessed person’ had an abusive childhood and their caregiver neglected to give them emotional stability, they may develop an attachment disorder. This means that their view of a relationship is to cling and try to control things to ‘save’ the relationship.
Photo by NappySocial and Cultural Norms - A person may have observed one gender being treated as inferior or as a possession. If left unresolved, they can carry these normal habits into adulthood and can attempt to treat their romantic partner the same way.
Mental Health Disorders Like Depression - A sign of depression is feeling lonely and unworthy of love. Because of this, he or she will try to hold on to the relationship even when the object of their affection says they are not interested in filling that void.
Signs of Obsessive Love:
Trying to control their partner is the obvious sign of obsessive love disorder. Their obsession may cause emotional and even physical abuse when their partner fails to ‘cooperate.’ If the other person tries to leave, they encounter a slew of threats. Many people going through this will try to make the relationship last longer than it should when in reality they should just let it go.
|Photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash|
Therapy is the best course of treatment for this disorder. The counselor will determine the intensity of the obsession and help the individual improve. Treatment involves detaching both physically and emotionally from the person they are obsessed with.
Since social media makes it easy to keep track of past loves and feed the obsession further, they encourage patients to unfollow the object of their fixation until they are well.
A good support system, either friends or family, may help the patient speak up early and get the help they need.
Obsessive love can fracture a relationship, defined as giving and taking back love. When the love has toppled with a controlling type of love, that connection is bound to lose balance.
Breakups occur, no matter how long you have been with that individual. There is no need to roll up in a ball and think the world is ending because your bond did not work. Move on with your life by taking the following steps:
· Be sad or livid.
· If the relationship ended on bad terms, give yourself enough time to heal and get over that person. Do not make it too long, i.e. several years.
· Keep yourself busy. Have a “my relationship has ended” celebration.
· Get yourself back into the dating scene. If possible, date several people at a time. Remember, you are not looking for a committed relationship or marriage, which should take time to grow.
· Do not rush into another relationship. You probably did that in the first place, and that is why the relationship did not work.
· Remember, there are plenty of pebbles on the beach and more fish in the sea. Therefore, you can be selective in your choices.
No matter what steps you take, there are no guarantees that a relationship will last without end.
After going through all the pointless mental drama, you will look back on this incident and ask, “What on earth was I thinking? What did I see in that person? Why did I become so obsessive over someone who clarified that he/she no longer wanted to be with me? And why did I allow myself to seek vengeance on the person who was non-threatening when he/she clarified that the relationship was over?”
Remember to put your mental and physical health first when the relationship is heading for a meltdown.