When Obsessive Love Leads to Emotional Turmoil by Miss Know It All

Miss Know It All

At what point do you realize a relationship is over if the other person no longer wants to be with you? Do you disregard taking no for an answer or do you take a precarious approach to try to get that individual back?

True love is an equal exchange between two people. However, there are cases where it may feel one-sided with one partner who is trying to control the other.

When a lover is obsessed, that person will want all of their significant other’s attention and will become angry and envious of any perceived threat. They view their partner as a possession rather than an equal party.

Causes of Obsessive Love:

Erotomania - This delusional disorder makes the sufferer believe in a certain destiny for love. The bond between the two might be over, but they still think it is perfect. Because of this, the deluded individual monitors their ‘partner’ to the point of stalking, thinking they are close. It may even escalate to violence, which occurs most times.

Attachment disorder - If the ‘obsessed person’ had an abusive childhood and their caregiver neglected to give them emotional stability, they may develop an attachment disorder. This means that their view of a relationship is to cling and try to control things to ‘save’ the relationship.

Photo by Nappy

Social and Cultural Norms - A person may have observed one gender being treated as inferior or as a possession. If left unresolved, they can carry these normal habits into adulthood and can attempt to treat their romantic partner the same way.

Mental Health Disorders Like Depression - A sign of depression is feeling lonely and unworthy of love. Because of this, he or she will try to hold on to the relationship even when the object of their affection says they are not interested in filling that void.

Signs of Obsessive Love:

Trying to control their partner is the obvious sign of obsessive love disorder. Their obsession may cause emotional and even physical abuse when their partner fails to ‘cooperate.’ If the other person tries to leave, they encounter a slew of threats. Many people going through this will try to make the relationship last longer than it should when in reality they should just let it go.

Treatment

Photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash

Therapy is the best course of treatment for this disorder. The counselor will determine the intensity of the obsession and help the individual improve. Treatment involves detaching both physically and emotionally from the person they are obsessed with.

Since social media makes it easy to keep track of past loves and feed the obsession further, they encourage patients to unfollow the object of their fixation until they are well.

A good support system, either friends or family, may help the patient speak up early and get the help they need.

Obsessive love can fracture a relationship, defined as giving and taking back love. When the love has toppled with a controlling type of love, that connection is bound to lose balance.

Breakups occur, no matter how long you have been with that individual. There is no need to roll up in a ball and think the world is ending because your bond did not work. Move on with your life by taking the following steps:

· Be sad or livid.

· If the relationship ended on bad terms, give yourself enough time to heal and get over that person. Do not make it too long, i.e. several years.

· Keep yourself busy. Have a “my relationship has ended” celebration.

· Get yourself back into the dating scene. If possible, date several people at a time. Remember, you are not looking for a committed relationship or marriage, which should take time to grow.

· Do not rush into another relationship. You probably did that in the first place, and that is why the relationship did not work.

· Remember, there are plenty of pebbles on the beach and more fish in the sea. Therefore, you can be selective in your choices.

No matter what steps you take, there are no guarantees that a relationship will last without end.

After going through all the pointless mental drama, you will look back on this incident and ask, “What on earth was I thinking? What did I see in that person? Why did I become so obsessive over someone who clarified that he/she no longer wanted to be with me? And why did I allow myself to seek vengeance on the person who was non-threatening when he/she clarified that the relationship was over?”

Remember to put your mental and physical health first when the relationship is heading for a meltdown.

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Juneteenth Food Traditions: All Red Everything

Today, we are celebrating Juneteenth. Ms. Elita Adjei talks about the food traditions of this extraordinary holiday.

Being from Houston, Texas, Elita Adjei learned to celebrate Juneteenth the way her grandparents and their parents before them had--with food and family. Join us as we dive into some of her favorite childhood recipes, why red food is a Juneteenth tradition, and the different ways every one of us can respect and honor this important holiday.

Have a festive and safe Juneteenth Holiday.

The Dos and Don’ts of Proper Wedding Etiquette

Photo by micheile .com on Unsplash

Planning a wedding is not a trouble-free task and can sometimes bring out the worst in people. During the planning stage, the bride and groom must try to take note of a few procedures to make guests, family and friends feel welcome, even if traditions are put aside.

As wedding customs continue to change, it gets harder and harder to keep track of what you should do and should not do before, during, and after your wedding day. To help guide you through the maze of rules and regulations, follow these tips, which you can change to your preference:

Photo by Gayani Anuththara on Unsplash

Invitations - Your first connection to wedding guests is through invitations, which set the tone for your wedding and should reflect the theme and scope of your affair.

· Write the guest complete names on your wedding invitation. Some couples may opt to send invitations by email. Invite only the people listed to the event.

· Avoid writing “and Guest” on the invitation. Try to find out who your relative or friend will bring to the wedding and include his or her name on the invitation.

· Wedding-invitation wording is a preference. Most couples include their parents’ names on the invitations. However, if a parent is deceased, his or her name should not appear.

· If you know a guest is not in a relationship, do not feel obligated to offer a wedding invitation addressed for “two.” Subsequently, if you only invited one person but he or she adds another guest when sending back the RSVP, call him or her to explain financial or space constraints that prevent you from accommodating the guest.

· Do not mention gift preferences or registries on the invitation or include them in the package. If you have a preference, like monetary gifts or a donation to a charity, spread it through word of mouth before the event.

· Do not use labels on your invitations. Handwrite them, use a nice font and print the envelopes using a computer, or get them done with professional calligraphy.

Financial Responsibility - Finances can turn an engaging wedding plan into an unpleasant matter. By keeping in mind some general guidelines, things will run more efficiently.

· Tradition once stated that the bride’s parents would pay for the wedding. However, times have changed and more couples are opting to pay for the wedding themselves, or the groom’s family chips in.

· Traditionally, the mother of the bride pays for the bridal shower. The bridal attendants may contribute to the shower’s cost or assign jobs, such as purchasing favors or decorating the venue.

· Bridal attendants will split the cost of the bachelorette party, and the groomsmen will do the same with the bachelor party.

· It is usually the responsibility of the groom’s parents to pay for the rehearsal dinner. The spouses or significant others of wedding party members should be invited to dinner as well.       

Here are some other items and who should be financially responsible:

· Rice/birdseed/confetti bags to toss after the ceremony — bride’s family

· If you are following strict traditions, divide flowers between the bride’s family and the groom. However, these days, flowers are included in a “package” and usually whoever is paying for the wedding festivities covers the flowers.

· Marriage license — groom

· Pastor/officiant fee — groom

· Rings — bride and groom

· Bridesmaid dresses/tuxedos — bridal party or groomsmen

Photo by Haley Hamilton on Unsplash

Processional - If you are having a religious wedding, consult your priest, rabbi, deacon, imams, or officiant concerning the customary procedure for entering. Each house of worship may have rules concerning processional order, music, photos, etc. Keep in mind that stepparents or boyfriends/girlfriends of your parents should enter and be seated before your biological family.

Mother of the Groom - Often the mother of the groom does not know her place in wedding planning. She plays an important role and can be as involved as the couple would like. Some of her chief responsibilities include:

· Starting contact between her family and the bride’s family.

· Providing an accurate and timely guest list.

· Organizing and hosting the rehearsal dinner.

· Taking her place beside the bride and mother of the bride in the receiving line to thank guests for attending. Note that the mother of the bride dictates wedding day fashion, and the mother of the groom will wear a gown of similar style and length.

Photo by Jason Leung on Unsplash

Tipping - Gratuities are more often than not included in the cost of wedding services. However, if a wedding vendor, server, or other person has gone beyond the call of duty, extra tipping is appropriate. Some people who should receive a tip on the wedding day:

· Coatroom attendant or bridal party attendant.

· Pastor or officiant should receive no less than $100 for his or her services.

· Limousine drivers should receive 15 percent of the bill if a tip has not already been included.

· Organists and musicians at the ceremony should receive at least $50 per person.

· If your reception features a maitre d’ or headwaiter who oversees the staff, expect to tip this person as well.

Thank-you note - For more thoughts on this subject, click here

The Dos and Don’ts of Proper Wedding Etiquette

Photo by Gayani Anuththara on Unsplash

Planning a wedding is not a trouble-free task and can sometimes bring out the worst in people. During the planning stage, the bride and groom must try to take note of a few procedures to make guests, family and friends feel welcome, even if traditions are put aside.

As wedding customs continue to change, it gets harder and harder to keep track of what you should do and should not do before, during, and after your wedding day. To help guide you through the maze of rules and regulations, follow these tips, which you can change to your preference:

Photo by micheile .com on Unsplash

Invitations - Your first connection to wedding guests is through invitations, which set the tone for your wedding and should reflect the theme and scope of your affair.

· Write the guest complete names on your wedding invitation. Some couples may opt to send invitations by email. Invite only the people listed to the event.

· Avoid writing “and Guest” on the invitation. Try to find out who your relative or friend will bring to the wedding and include his or her name on the invitation.

· Wedding-invitation wording is a preference. Most couples include their parents’ names on the invitations. However, if a parent is deceased, his or her name should not appear.

· If you know a guest is not in a relationship, do not feel obligated to offer a wedding invitation addressed for “two.” Subsequently, if you only invited one person but he or she adds another guest when sending back the RSVP, call him or her to explain financial or space constraints that prevent you from accommodating the guest.

· Do not mention gift preferences or registries on the invitation or include them in the package. If you have a preference, like monetary gifts or a donation to a charity, spread it through word of mouth before the event.

· Do not use labels on your invitations. Handwrite them, use a nice font, and print the envelopes using a computer, or get them done with professional calligraphy.

Financial Responsibility - Finances can turn an engaging wedding plan into an unpleasant matter. By keeping in mind some general guidelines, things will run more efficiently.

· Tradition once stated that the bride’s parents would pay for the wedding. However, times have changed and more couples are opting to pay for the wedding themselves, or the groom’s family chips in.

· Traditionally, the mother of the bride pays for the bridal shower. The bridal attendants may contribute to the shower’s cost or assign jobs, such as purchasing favors or decorating the venue.

· Bridal attendants will split the cost of the bachelorette party, and the groomsmen will do the same with the bachelor party.

· It is usually the responsibility of the groom’s parents to pay for the rehearsal dinner. The spouses or significant others of wedding party members should be invited to dinner as well.       

Here are some other items and who should be financially responsible:

· Rice/birdseed/confetti bags to toss after the ceremony — bride’s family

· If you are following strict traditions, divide flowers between the bride’s family and the groom. However, these days, flowers are included in a “package” and usually whoever is paying for the wedding festivities covers the flowers.

· Marriage license — groom

· Pastor/officiant fee — groom

· Rings — bride and groom

· Bridesmaid dresses/tuxedos — bridal party or groomsmen

Photo by Haley Hamilton on Unsplash

Processional - If you are having a religious wedding, consult your priest, rabbi, deacon, imams, or officiant concerning the customary procedure for entering. Each house of worship may have rules concerning processional order, music, photos, etc. Keep in mind that stepparents or boyfriends/girlfriends of your parents should enter and be seated before your biological family.

Mother of the Groom - Often the mother of the groom does not know her place in wedding planning. She plays an important role and can be as involved as the couple would like. Some of her chief responsibilities include:

· Starting contact between her family and the bride’s family.

· Providing an accurate and timely guest list.

· Organizing and hosting the rehearsal dinner.

· Taking her place beside the bride and mother of the bride in the receiving line to thank guests for attending. Note that the mother of the bride dictates wedding day fashion, and the mother of the groom will wear a gown of similar style and length.

Photo by Jason Leung on Unsplash

Tipping - Gratuities are more often than not included in the cost of wedding services. However, if a wedding vendor, server, or other person has gone beyond the call of duty, extra tipping is appropriate. Some people who should receive a tip on the wedding day:

· Coatroom attendant or bridal party attendant.

· Pastor or officiant should receive no less than $100 for his or her services.

· Limousine drivers should receive 15 percent of the bill if a tip has not already been included.

· Organists and musicians at the ceremony should receive at least $50 per person.

· If your reception features a maitre d’ or headwaiter who oversees the staff, expect to tip this person as well.

Thank-you note - For more thoughts on this subject, click here 

The Right Way to See Your Spouse

Best Selling Author Stella Eromonsere-Ajanaku talks about the many ways to see your spouse.

How to Heal From a Broken Heart by Vivienne Diane Neal

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

You have just gone through an emotional breakup, and your world seems to be falling apart with no end in sight. You are beginning to feel that you will be without a partner for a very long time. Nevertheless, there is always hope that you will get over this upset and begin to move on. How to Get Past Breakup by Dr. Alexander Ross will give you a new perspective on how to look through a post-breakup.

Dr. Alexander Ross is a respected Relationship Expert and Sexologist in the United States, has helped many individuals with their Relationship and Sex life predicaments, and has helped more than a handful of couples to get past relationship crises by assisting in the prosperity and blissfulness of their relationship and sometimes in marriages.

 

The book explains in detail:

 

·       What to do immediately after a breakup

 

·       Strategies on how to work through pain and grief, move past Fear and disappointment and take back ownership of your life

 

·       Learning How to Heal a Broken Heart

 

·       How to be the one that got away

 

To order your copy, click here

How Long Should An Engagement Last?

Photo by Tara Winstead from Pexels

Many women look forward to being engaged and having that dream wedding. The question is how long should an engagement last, and what other expenses and activities come with an engagement? 

 

According to Samantha Bridal's Survey, the average engagement period in Kenya is between 16-17 months. Ninety-nine percent of the men do the proposing and one percent of women propose to their mates. Most women like to consider themselves engaged because it is a great feeling and see it as a sign of settling down. Most of the women engaged are under 35 years of age and have a high educational profile. Sixty-nine percent of the engaged couples have known each other for more than three years.

Most of the engagements happen during December, the New Year, and on Saint Valentine’s Day. Sixty-four percent of the couples are already living together before the actual marriage.

 

Many couples tend to open new bank accounts and spend a lot of money buying furniture and household items. The couple also uses this time to fulfill cultural obligations like payment of bride price and marriage counseling.

 

Most couples spend money on engagement rings, wedding rings, and any other jewelry. This is costly because real gold and silver are quite expensive.

 

According to Samantha’s survey, 64% of couples are living together before marriage. Nowadays, courtship is done differently compared to the past. Many young couples prefer to live together before walking down the aisle.

For engagement and wedding ideas in Kenya, click here. 

💓

When A Bride and Groom Make an Unusual Request by Miss Know It All

Miss Know It All 

I came across an article and thought I had heard everything. I have attended many weddings in my heyday and I must say, not one couple solicited the type of gift they wanted. In fact, most of the couples did not have a gift registry. You just purchased a practical gift that the couple would need when setting up the house, namely bathroom, kitchen, and bedroom add-ons. Moreover, if you were clueless as to what the couple really needed, you would give cash or a gift certificate. I know I am dating myself. Today it is a gift card. Nevertheless, that was then, and this is now where wedding traditions have become informal and will vary according to the couple’s culture, ethnicity or religion.

 

A bride and groom sparked a heated debate on social media after asking wedding guests to pay for their honeymoon instead of buying them a gift. I started to wonder if this was a trend among couples.  Many, many years ago, it would have been unthinkable or tacky for a bride and groom to ask prospective wedding guests to pay for their honeymoon. On the other hand, maybe I have been living under a rock too long.

 

 

One guest shared her dilemma in an Australian Facebook group, after receiving an invitation to both the bridal shower and wedding. However, she was left confused after the couple asked guests to contribute to their honeymoon fund by transferring the money through an app after they opted out of having a gift registry.

 

 

I must admit that I would never contribute to the bride and groom’s honeymoon. If a couple cannot afford to pay for their own honeymoon, then they should not go or plan it for another time. In addition, if the couple was living together, there is nothing new under the sun for them to discover about each other. I realize planning a wedding can be expensive, but you have to know what you can afford and not put that burden on your guests, especially if you are having several events that require gift-giving, namely an engagement party, a bridal shower, wedding rehearsal, and wedding reception. I have even read where couples are asking guests to pay for their own meals at the reception.

 

 

I decided to ask some of my associates on social media what they thought. Some of the answers were edited for clarity:

 

Whatever money I would have put towards the gift, I would give to them.

I am happy to contribute cash.

The bride and Groom should pay for their own wedding. They pay for their own divorces.

I would be happy to contribute cash instead of a present. It is less work for me.

Only if I can afford it. If not, I would contribute the money I can afford towards their honeymoon.

I would give what I can.

Depending on whom it is.

I am fine with a vacation registry.

If I could I would give cash/gift cards over shopping - every time.

Find the cheapest hotel room in town and give them the paper to the day they get married.

I went to a wedding where you paid for your plate upfront.

Say, "Thanks but that does not work for me."

### 

Would you contribute to a couple's honeymoon fund? Send your answers to info@oneworldsinglesblog.net and in the subject line write “Honeymoon Fund Answer.” We will post your comments in the near future. Please keep your answer to fewer than 25 words. Thank you.

Choose The Guy You Want To Marry, Then Submit To Him

Best Selling International Author, Stella Eromonsere-Ajanaku, shares why it is important to open your eyes and your heart before you say yes and walk down the aisle.

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