Monday, June 13, 2011

How do you know if He is the One? By Debbie Lamedman


Our lives take many unexpected twists and turns throughout our lifetime; and certainly incidents may occur which we never planned for. Society and culture often tells us how to live our lives, including who we are supposed to love and if we should marry. For many of us, it’s difficult to be told what to do, particularly when it comes to matters of the heart. Marriage and family may not be the right path for some of us, though I do believe it is human nature to pair ourselves up and not travel down a solitary road.

Looking back at past relationships, I know I believed at the time that I was in love with some of these individuals. And I’m sure I was. Then. But not now. We learn about ourselves and life from every relationship we are involved in. And we learn from every relationship we encounter, not only romantic partners, but also family, friends, business associates and collaborators. As we learn and grow and move forward, the one we met and fell in love with when we were twenty is probably not the person we want to be with at 45. But then again…maybe he is. Everyone is different. There are plenty of couples who can get together when they are 20 years old and move and grow forward together. There is no rhyme or reason to the mystery of what keeps people in a relationship. Well, actually, there is a reason…the reason is love.

So how do we know if the person we are currently with is “the one?” What does “the one” mean anyway? Someone to spend the rest of our days with and grow old with? Maybe. But perhaps “the one” is the person who is right for you at the time. The one you can learn the most from. The person who can be with you unconditionally and allow you to see yourself as he sees you. I believe we may meet several “ones” during a lifetime. And we know in our hearts if he or she is the right one for us at that particular time in our life. We may not always stay with that person, but if it’s a relationship worth having, we will definitely learn from him.

Our society says we should meet one person and settle with him forever. That may be possible for some people, but if you look at the state of marriage, and divorce being so common these days, it may not be practical. I am certainly not the same woman I was 25 years ago; I’d like to think I’m constantly growing and changing. I have experienced loss of all sorts of relationships, both friends and lovers, because people grow at a different pace. I have no regrets and believe with all my heart that everything happens for a reason. I met, fell in love and experienced certain relationships because that is what I needed at the time. The person I was with was the right person for me then. If things didn’t work out, it’s because we both needed to move on to the next phase, whatever that may be.

Sometimes it’s hard to let go when you love someone. But you have to ask yourself if the person you are now with is someone who is willing to grow and change as you are doing. It’s a terrible feeling if you think you are stuck with someone—this leads to bitterness and resentment. Be grateful for the time the two of you had together, and know that moving on will be better for both of you. If, however, this person is “the one,” you have the capability within your relationship to enjoy each other for a lifetime. Sometimes, however, we don’t always we get what we want; but we always get what we need.

~*~

Bio: Debbie Lamedman is a published and produced playwright, blogger and freelance writer who writes about online dating and relationships. Among the websites Debbie writes for is DatingServices.net. She also writes a personal blog at Confessions of a Cluttered Mind.
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